Nearly everything about living and studying in Spain continues to be excellent. The time I have to think, write, and listen to music has been invaluable and prompted surprising revelations about how to make the most of my last year of college, and what I want to do with my life. This week I’ll discuss one of the two revelations I’ve had about what I want to do with my life: two specific callings which I am making my foremost priority for this summer and the academic year that follows it. Here’s how I would sum it up in two sentences:
I love to write and make music above all else, and I am betraying myself if I ignore these passions. Specifically, I want to write on the field of self-development, make my own music, and make these two pursuits my highest priority, starting now.
On writing
One of the hardest things about college has been determining what the hell I want to do. Initially I felt best about studying government. It’s was fun to learn about the general condition of our world today and put my privileged life in perspective. Politics offered all of that, kept me sufficiently interested in my studies, and generated enough positive feedback from professors, family and friends to keep me on track. But I never loved it.
What did I love? Certainly writing, that was never a question, and it always tended to be on this particular point that I was shining in class. The simple act of writing is one that I relish more than 75% of everything else I do in a day. But writing needs a topic, and a writer needs an expertise. If you’re looking to make a career out of writing, that topic better be something you’re going to love when you’re blindsided by the inevitable storms of life, or when the reds drop an A-bomb in the middle of America. It’s got to be your passion. The urgnecy of finding a passion became clear to me after I took the Johnson’O’Connor this winter. I tested exceedingly high in foresight- not the day-in, day-out variety of the immaculate time-keeper. I am horrible at that stuff (what can I say? My dominant hemisphere of my brain doesn’t function in relation to time). The kind of foresight I am talking about is the need for firmly rooted, long-term purpose.
Purpose! The antithesis of complete spontaneity and totally in-the-moment behavior. That describes a lot of my family pretty well- better to go with what you feel than with what you plan. I sometimes act that way, too. But purpose is unfathomably more important to me than unfettered frolicking through my time on earth. The wonderful thing is that once I identified the need to find a grounding purpose- which I define here as a vision of and plan for life- I found that the answer I was looking for was already in my hands.
One of those answers was clearly writing. Not just any writing, but self-development writing. Writing that is reflective on the self and seeks to improve it. Writing that seeks to tangibly and strategically de-stress life while making it more productive and passionate. Writing that concentrates meaning and cuts out the drudgery to the greatest extent possible. The field of self-development had been intriguing to me for a long time- it struck me as an answer to what I have always perceived as a great lack of aspiration in our times. Too much reliance on cheap, mass media- too much television, too many movies, too much unhealthy food, too much complacent with crappy jobs, to much surfing on things other than water. Eventually I realized that the dreams I held were too important and too ambitious to acquiesce like that. It irked me to ignore them.
The search began during my senior year of high school. It started with learning visual memory techniques that allowed me to memorize the presidents by number permanently and within a short amount of time. Pretty soon I was using it to ace simple recall quizzes in school and boost my vocabulary. I was doing better in school by being creative! Why wasn’t anyone teaching this stuff? Next came speed reading. Within weeks I was reading 3 times faster and with far better comprehension (the number now? Closer to 5 times faster at my slowest).
But I wouldn’t say my interest in this field really manifested until the summer after sophomore year. I had just sworn off some poor lifestyle choices picked up in college and was hungry for fresh direction. Part of it came from my spirituality. But a large part of it came from reading a little book called Getting Things Done. For me, this book was a catalyst for beginning to unlock powerful, dormant dreams, thinking beyond college towards the rest of my life, undertaking a 6 days-a-week exercise regimen, taking up a vegan diet, and re-applying some of the visual memory techniques I had learned in high school to ace three difficult courses at Georgetown University.
But then I was back at Skidmore, taking 5 classes, having a go with my rock band, playing drums for a student musical, working on a campaign in addition to volunteering for it, and more. I swung too far to the other extreme of trying to get way too much done. This ultimately left me in the position of doing much less, or at least creating much less quality and value. I wasn’t dying of stress, but I was perpetually unsatisfied. The semester died down, and I ended on a good note. But it was clear I didn’t have a winning formula.
Eventually I landed in the Iberian Peninsula, and everything change. Gone were the extra distractions. Gone was the wild workload and numerous extracurriculars. Gone was the lack of introspection, perspective and renewal that my fall semester had sorely lacked. Suddenly the time for personal review was available yet again, and what I want to do for the foreseeable future became clear. It was writing, and specifically self-development writing.
It’s not just that I want to write about self-development at some point in the future. I’m responsibly throwing myself into it now. This summer I will launch a personal-development blog and treat it like an online start-up. Here are just some of the benefits I see in my choice:
1) Burning intrinsic motivation: Writing “professionally” (read: with the goal of attracting web traffic and making money) in this field is something I have an indefatigable urge to do, and it flows from a personal interest that has stood the test of time. I was already writing self-development articles before I realized I wanted to write self-development articles. It was hard to stop myself from doing it.
2) Maximum generation of value: Imagine if I committed to a generic writing and editing internship like I initially planned. Sure, it would beat the late-shift on the front end of Wal-Mart. But not by much. That’s because there’s a gaping degree of separation between the value I would be creating under those conditions and the ideal value I am creating through direct pursuit of my passion. With an internship, I wouldn’t be building the specific skills I want to invest in for a career. I wouldn’t be as happy. I certainly wouldn’t be as focused. And I would probably have no better idea of what I wanted to do in the end.
3) Timeless appeal: Pursuing self-development writing is something I can see myself doing, if only for fun for the fun of it, even if I wasn’t making any money, for my entire life- it’s the values of personal responsibility, commitment to excellence, and growth that appeal to me. But the reality is that with sufficient patience, it can be a respectable money-maker. I am in a unique position in which I can responsibly make this website my foremost priority (i.e., my job). Who knows, someday I might end up like Steve Pavlina, a popular self-development blogger who makes a 6-figure income from a website that cost him less than $20 to launch and on which he’s never spent a dime for promotion. He also recently wrote his first book (the publishers approached him after reading his writing). Even more, the background “work” for this blog includes reading hundreds of books which I would be trying (and likely failing) to find time to read anyway! It’s the ultimate excuse to study what I love.
So there you have it, a rough outline of part 1 of the 2 lifetime goals I am undertaking. I probably sound a bit ballsy, delusional, and even self-righteous writing all of this. So be it. What I’m expressing is the clearest and most exciting perspective on what to do with my life I’ve ever had. It leaves nothing inside me unsatisfied and unaddressed. It channels my vision and focus just enough. And for the first time in a good long time, I am healthily obsessed with something again.
So please, bring on the commentary! Let me know what you really think! Criticize my reasoning! Just try and eviscerate my dreams!
In case you’re confused…
Curious about just I mean by “self-development writer”? Look here, here, or here.
amanda said
You’re baiting me here. You know this. You also know how difficult it is for me to be dishonest (aka: nice). Haha. I will do my best to be coherent and kind. *proverbially clears throat* At least know that you’ve written something evocative (at least to me) by my impending response, k?
First of – now I know why it takes you so long to write a blogpost. There is an overwhelming deliberateness to your blogs. (Which sort of contradicts the spirit of the genre in a big way.) However, blogging itself is a very loose ‘art’ – the rules are nearly nonexistent. So going forward, you don’t really have to worry so much about structure or even grammar for the most part. (Though you can write the way you have if you want). Like all writing, blogging seems to depend 50% on what YOU feel like writing and 50% on what you write FOR readers. The best blogs have a very niche audience and particular style of writing. A shtick, if you will.
Speaking of which, I’d like to address some of your particular points in this entry. “But writing needs a topic, and a writer needs an expertise.” Yes, in a way, it does. Although beware of allowing Writing (capital W) to have a life of its own. Writing does not need a topic, topics need to be written about. But I understand what you’re saying. The urge to write precedes the actual subject matter. You want to write before you want to write about xyz. This is usually the case for most people. Which is why there is such terrible writing out there. People ‘express themselves’ freely – and thus, often painfully (to my eyes anyway). “A writer needs expertise” – yes. For professional writing. No one wants to read poorly researched musings that are not categorized as such. Although some people love to read straight-up opinion and blabbering on (not MANY people – but some). And the internet is full of this type of writing. This is why blogs are given a bad rap – they allow for anyone to say anything with absolute freedom. No one polices this. It makes for a very messy blogosphere, though the best writing does somehow get the most attention. Expertise isn’t essential when writing online. But again, professional writing demands it. (Keep in mind: it’s surprisingly easy to become ‘good enough’ to write on a certain subject). The sort of writing you seem to be drawn to (or should be, due to your particular tone/voice) is more researched and academic. (It’s always been this way. Though you deeply value creativity – creative writing involves a high level of abandon that I’m not sure you possess? Many people I know write exactly the opposite way I do – pouring over each word before moving onto the next. There is an extreme deliberateness there. This is why it takes them so long to write papers and why it takes me so little time. This is also why a lot of my writing ends up off-topic and unclear. But alas.) You can learn to write different ways. But right now you do have that very specific voice that lends itself to very particular subject matter/readers.
I can’t help but see that your semi-existential journey toward ‘purpose’ is deeply rooted in religiousness. The way you go about ‘self-development’ has a spiritual feel. This is fine. It’s very ‘you’. However, you may run into trouble when it doesn’t align with the way (at least parts of) the world works. Anyway, I’m not going to critique your approach – whatever gets you going/there. Who am I to judge someone’s journey when my own resembles a drunken stagger?
Ok onto your #1. You want to write professionally “for money”. I’m sure I don’t need to point this out but – writing is highly un-lucrative. It’s the least recognized, least profitable, least publicized art these days. Though everything relies on it – not many people are willing to pay for it. Lots of businesses prefer to have someone that’s already on-staff do the writing/editing. This is not to say that I agree with this. I don’t – at all! So many people cannot write (I am reminded of this daily) and those who can should be considered quite precious and in high-demand. A lot of this issue was brought about during the Writer’s Strike last year. These talented people, equally if not more talented than those who perform their writing, were getting basically abused. Slave labor. But unfortunately it is not the age of Fitzgerald, when writers were celebrities. Writers don’t sell things. Celebrities do. (That’s why they, and pro athletes make millions). This is especially true lately with the decline of the print industry.
Now, in more direct relation to what you want to write – ‘self-development’. I’m not quite sure what this is exactly. I can tell that you, like most twenty-somethings, are interested in self-discovery. It’s essential both to our age bracket and the specific way we were raised (~ by baby boomers who were raised by those who were children during The Depression). Self-discovery is something that, I think, comes from the same place as existentialism – education and privilege. With the rise of literacy and academia (helped significantly by the Industrial Revolution) people were given more free time. The richer you are – the more time/money you have to invest in the arts. It’s always been this way. Most of the best writers of all time came from extreme privilege/rich legacies. You couldn’t afford to write otherwise. You were too busy dealing with putting food on the table to think creatively. So as people have become more aware of themselves via education (which, in itself, is very self-indulgent – though of course AWESOME).
Why is Self-Help the best selling book genre? It also occupies a giant space in the bookstore – ugh. It really makes me a bit nauseous. But I would equate its popularity to this same self-awareness. Before the last twenty years I doubt people were looking for ‘breakup advice’ or ‘weight loss tips’ because communication just simply didn’t work that way. I read a few articles about a new mental illness similar to BPD basically called Narcissism. “Narcissism” is a huge buzz-word right now in an out of academia because people are more narcissistic than ever. This is not to say that they weren’t always self-interested – there are simply more venues for the outward expression of this trait (think: facebook, twitter, youtube, etc – every little thing a person does is public domain – and done so willingly). The problem with this trend is that people are less willing to read the work of others. They see that “every Tom, Dick and Harry are writing about THEIR lives – so why would I read that when I can share my own story?” Somewhere along the way – we were told that people want to hear OUR STORY. Reality TV. God, everything supports this trend. Yuck.
(This response has gotten to philosophical. Again, can you tell I’m not being properly stimulated in my classes?
) – [The next paragraph is more in response to your fb message to me than your blog post.]
The jury (aka: I) am still out on the whole internship thing. While I am actually typing this from the 6th floor of an office building in Downtown Crossing, amid the distant hum of traffic and impoverished passersby, at my internship. I’m not sure what employers want. I will find this out very, very shortly. The job search has become a daily thing for me. I’m nervous. But I’m not ashamed to say that I’m willingly going to forego my ‘passions’ (whatever they may be these days – ugh) to make some money. It’s a necessity for me. I’m not rich enough to afford to merely write and ‘do what I’m passionate about’. It’s not realistic. It would be amazing to be able to get paid to do what I ‘love’ – but I’m not holding my breath (especially in this economy). Money opens doors, whether we like it or not. And I’m going to ‘sell-out’ to be able to do what I want later. It’s an age-old way to go about this. I’m going to try it and see. I think I’ve been extremely fortunate to basically go to art school (Emerson) and do ‘what I love’ instead of learning marketable skills. I hope that this will somehow still translate into a ‘real job’. I’m not saying that you can’t pursue your passions and disregard ‘the real world’ or office jobs. If you can afford to do this – go for it. I will be extremely embittered and jealous of your privilege if that’s the case. I’m banking on the fact that even though a 9-5 is going to blowmymind as far as my being able to handle actually ‘working’ – that I will still be able to have interests and such outside that world. This includes writing. Free lance is not a job in and of itself. No way. Unless you are happy eating ketchup dinners and living in a cardboard box. This is what I’ve learned from my professors (who are all actually writers first. My poetry prof from last semester, whom I love, had a poem in the New Yorker last December – yet he still teaches.) They have to. No one pays for writing. If you are a brand new writer (assuming that a publication even exists that wants to publish you – since they are all dying daily) and you write a fiction piece for Esquire, let’s say, you can make $3000 max. That’s still one-in-a-million chance because they don’t bother with new writers really. To give you a perspective – Fitzgerald made 3k a week for writing in the 20s. Apples to giant mansion-sized oranges.
In response to #3 (I think) – blogging is daily becoming dime-a-dozen so don’t bank on making ANY figures let alone 6. The odds are almost as high as inventing an awesome new gadget and getting rich off it. Lower than low. Not to crush your ‘dreams’. Just to bring you the reality that I, myself, am surrounded by. If you can secure a heavy readership – you have the possibility to make money. But it doesn’t come from readership alone. 100% of the money made comes from advertising. Just like with the print world. If you don’t advertise – you don’t profit. Period. There is no other way to make money, especially on the internet. This is why facebook and Twitter are constantly reevaluating – they are used by millions yet don’t accrue the necessary capital to support the traffic or the staff. And, while most of this post is somewhat speculative – this I know for a fact.
Ok I’m going to close now. Bear with me. Despite what impression I may have given you with the aforementioned – I’m really glad to see you working through your life goals. It’s an inspiration – albeit a little misguided at times – to me. I think you do have the talent (with some tweaking of course – which I’d be willing to help you with as always. I’m no expert but I will have a degree in writing in < 2 months. Scary. But something.) and you definitely have the ambition. I’m not sure how much ambition factors in – but it has to count for something. Your passion for writing will carry you pretty far. So keep that in mind and keep that going. Keep writing. Try different types, tones, structure, genres. Be willing to practice writing differently than your usual. And continue reading (more genres than you are now). Reading makes writing. Absolutely the number 1 ‘must’ that I’ve learned is: if you do not read, don’t even bother writing. (This is perhaps where you will also acquire some of the shtick I was talking about earlier). I, myself, do not read nearly enough. Within the internet, though, I’m pretty well-read. Hopefully this will count for something soon.
But anyway, in final closing – I hope I’ve enlightened (haha) you to some of the things I’ve learned/thought about endlessly. I hope I haven’t annoyed or discouraged. I’d happily read your stuff. Again, you have talent + ambition, which is a great start. Anyway, I’d like this to be a dialogue of sorts – though I may have crushed its future for being so with this giant oppressive response? Be well.
Travis said
Thanks for commenting! Damn, what an entry. We’ve got everything from 19th century history to existentialism to the narcissistic implications of facebook. Let me try and keep up:
My actual writing process isn’t incredibly deliberate. Believe me, this entry didn’t endure an agonizing editing process before I posted it. I would also say that what I’ve written here is me writing off the cuff, and definitely not the kind of writing I expect to make any money with. If it comes out deliberate it’s because it normally articulates or re-articulates a collection of ideas I’ve already formulated, and in many cases even written down, in a new way.
As for my written voice, I’ll be working on that quite a bit this summer. I think for what I want to do it means a lot of calibration to readers, a lot of trial and error, and ultimately settling on something resembling a “style” that comes naturally to me and works. This isn’t it. This is just Trav, not the business he wants to start.
It’s interested by what you said about my written voice lending itself naturally to topical writing. If you take a look at the sample self-development blogs I linked to, you’ll see that they’re typically a mix of conversational and manual style. To clarify a bit, the kind of self-development writing i want to do is going to be the presentation of very pragmatic action-oriented lifestyle changes one can make to become more focused, more spiritual, and more simplified. It will be somewhat existential, certainly, and certainly spiritual, but that’s the whole point. It won’t be a journal, or really particularly personal. Think more in the vein of a business and, dare I say it, entrepreneurship. It’s more “10 ways to simplify your desktop” and “developing the finishing instinct”- if you have some familiarity with the topical material that’s out there it will become more clear what I’m tapping into- but of course half the point is to do it in an original way. A certain spiritual dimension will definitely be a part of my originality. You’re just going to have to wait and see.
Next, let me draw a distinction between creativity and creative writing. Creativity is the ability to make unseen connections and generate unique ideas. One can be involved in highly creative work and yet represent or communicate that work in the most uncreative manner possible. That’s more what I’m going for: clarity over art, although certainly a combination of both. I’m not coming out and saying in general that “I want to be a writer!” because I don’t. i want to be a specific kind of writer, not a creative writer. Not a fiction writer. not a novelist. Of course, I think we’d both agree that any good writer is somewhat creative (read: unique) in style. Developing material that’s worth writing about, and the style with which you write it, are what reading widely is all about. I’m working on that. You’ll read my future blog post on reading one or two books a week and then we can both be more well-read
Another important distinction: self-help versus self-development. Self-help is the fluffy feel-good stuff, it’s the psychotherapist in a binding. Self-development is the gruntwork of the will: it’s about organization, becoming an early riser, batching responsibilities, energy management and nutrition, setting goals, creative visualization, etc. It’s some of the hardest and in my experience, most rewarding stuff one can do. And of course it’s a huge industry. You’re also dead-on about the increased “narcissism” correlating with an increase in wealth. But self-development is spiritual in that it is about taking personal responsibility for oneself- from the most concrete sense of being healthy, organized, to the less tangible stuff of value awareness, being grateful for what you have. I’m a firm believer that this kind of “self-mastery” is just as imperative in human life as a sense of community. Narcissism doesn’t exactly cut to the core of what I’m interested in. I’d like to think my work will focus more on humility.
As for blogging: yes, there are literally millions of blogs out there. But most of them are personal (who cares besides friends and family) like this one, and most of them aren’t run like businesses. This will be a business, in the most low-overhead, low-risk sense. It will of course contain advertising and I will be monitoring traffic and calibrating the site to fit visitor’s interests and needs. It will take months if not years to attract the readership for significant cash flow, but for a little perspective, the founder of lifehack.org (a self-development-esque website) made over $100 in his first month of blogging, and was most certainly not treating it like a full-time job. I am in the unique position this summer, of having relatively few financial responsibilities and can thus devote a significant amount of time to creating as much of a professional project as I am capable of. And I’ll continue with it into my final year of college and beyond. That’s the idea, anyway. But the key is, all of this time I will developing readership and, if I’m successful at delivering something of quality, will be accruing an accumulating passive income. I won’t be getting paid by the hour, but rather for the value of the work I put in. I’m certainly not banking on anything. But I think a lot can be said for a unique layout and hook, loads of original content, obligatory advertising, some general business and marketing skills and probably some kind of dirt cheap marketing when the time is right. All of this, of course, costs me just about nothing save the energy I put into it, which is exactly where I would like my energy to go.
As for freelancing and writing articles, that’s not really what this will be about. I remember reading about another young self-development blogger (younger than me, actually) who was guest writing for about $65-70 per article. In terms of time committed, that sure beats the hell out of any campus job I could find, and if the work was regular, any entry level job as well. Either way, I won’t be freelancing to earn a salary. I would be doing it for skill-building.
Luckily I’m not a graduating senior in this moment. If that were the case I might have a very different idea for my summer. The idea is to start building something now, and see where I stand once I’ve got my diploma.
I hope that clarifies what I’m after.
Lila said
Okay, I’m going to attempt to comment!
But first, I think you’ll appreciate this passage from the Eulogy on Abraham from Fear and Trembling by Soren Kierkegaard (taking a seminar on him this semester).
If a human being did not have an eternal consciousness, if underlying everything there were only a wild, fermenting power that writhing in dark passions produced everything, be it significant or insignificant, if a vast, never appeased emptiness hid beneath everything, what would life be then but despair? If such were the situation, if there were no sacred bond that knit humankind together, if one generation emerged after another like forest foliage, if one generation succeeded another like the singing of birds in the forest, if a generation passed through the world as a ship through the sea, as wind through the desert, an unthinking and unproductive performance, if an eternal oblivion, perpetually hungry, lurked for its prey and there were no power strong enough to wrench that away from it — how empty and devoid of consolation life would be!
Your discussion about finding your passion and that meaning requires following that passion reminded me of this passage and thought you would enjoy.
First, I’m thrilled that you have a plan for what you want to do and I hope it goes well for you.
Although I think it’s great you have a plan of action, my own experience is that you need not be afraid to adapt that plan as time goes on (or even chuck it altogether). I have had a very hard time changing my mind or altering my course in the past, and that has created a more difficult path than perhaps necessary. However, there are also wonderful things to say about taking a more circuitous route to your goals because of the wonderful, surprising things you might discover along the way.
I don’t hear a lot of enthusiasm at the prospect of an entry level position, and it sounds like you’re thinking of not going for an internship, but I would urge you to reconsider the all or nothing approach. I would suggest doing both since you’ll get very different experience at the entry level/internship and can possibly pick up some skills (if only to better communicate or work cooperatively with other people; or a get a feel for what readers might want) that you would not in working on the website. A lot of our family (me included) live a lot in our heads; it’s good to balance that with getting out of it, too.
Finally, you’ve discussed how you want to make a living and why it’s important to you, but this doesn’t include how you want to live. I imagine writing (and developing a website) can be a very solitary experience; is that what you want? I’m not suggesting you detail all the mechanics of what you intend here, but it’s just something to think about if you haven’t done so already.
And, does this mean grad school is out of the picture?
Best wishes,
Lila
Travis said
Thank you for commenting! Your “attempt” has absolutely succeeded.
I like the Kierkegaard quote very much, though maybe not for the reasons you might think. Sure, I think it epitomizes the great existentialist worry. If we’re here for nothing, nothing ties us the great human network together, and nothing really matters, what is the point of the sum total of human frustration? Of life in general?
For me personally, that answer is in spirituality and transcendental meditation. It’s a grounding experience I try to return to every day to see that the ultimate purpose of life is altogether separate from our daily worries and even from our dreams. Yet after rooting ourselves deeply in the infinite, and watering that soil well with ethical living, I believe we are all obligated to attend to the dreams and visions of our outer life. I think it’s how we remain focused, effective and unique. It can keep us sane in an often troubling world. It is, after all, what we must face some 16 hours of the day.
I think it’s worthwhile to say that when I started seriously introspecting after my purpose, “self-development writer” isn’t all I came up with. Rather I saw myself as having two critical but highly distinct forms of purpose, one inner and the other outer. My inner purpose pertains to my meditation, my spiritual path, and the conduction of my outer life according to perennial spiritual truths. My outer purpose, which I share here, is what I direct my attentions to during my days. That’s the part that pertains to being a writer, in addition to the second outer element, which I haven’t outlined yet on this site, of being a musician. This is the first time in my adult life I have been able to see one hypothetical future path so clearly that was simultaneously appealing and realistic (if I work hard) to me. It’s a dream that wasn’t given to me or forced upon me in any way. Therefore I am not hesitating to reach for it, and to not wasting any more time in doing so. This was my reasoning for eschewing an internship this summer. I did that last summer, and it’s time for something new. But more than that, it’s time to do something truly different, something only the most minute fraction of people my age would consider doing, which is to throw myself into the proverbial deep-end (albeit with some floaties perhaps, because this is very low-risk) of what I would like to do, and what I can see myself doing for a very long time (irrespective of whether it happens that way or not). I feel adamant that whatever I do, I want to be great at it. I want it to be completely “me.” Hence why I don’t want to waste any more time NOT working toward that pursuit.
I think you bring up an enormously important point about Booth’s, that I am absolutely not exempt from- the tendency to live in our heads. I think that can be dangerous when we get too grandiose, lose a healthy perspective of reality, start to put anything of value on the line, generally take risks in any major way.
I don’t think those concerns apply to my goals at this particular time- in fact, one of the reasons I am determined to work on this NOW is because I think that low-risk time will soon run out for me: I’ll be out of college and facing the “real world.” When I get there, even if I decide to abandon these goals completely, I want to be able to say to my potential employers that I spent the last year going after what I loved. Plus I’ll have an enormous portfolio of my best writing to share with them. To be honest, though, I don’t see myself moving in that direction. I’d really like to work for myself. This is a kind of testing ground before any serious commitments, financial or otherwise, would have to be made towards that end. And just like learning anything new, the best time to start is when you’re young.
Regarding how I want to live, I see that as being an evolving matter. This summer, the answer is: with uncle David, aunt Melora, and two twin cousins in their house in Somerville. After school, who knows? A lot of that depends on the extent and quality of progress I make towards my goals in the interim. We’ll have to wait and see. One thing I know for certain, though: solidarity, although an element of life I absolutely love, is not a life path for me. I have a serious girlfriend whom I hope to be able to travel with once we’re out of school. If my musical life has developed to a sufficient level, I made find that that dictates where it is that I go and how it is that I live. But whichever way it goes I don’t intend to be alone, which I think is corrosive to the quality of this kind of work, probably any kind of creative work, except for in short and deliberate periods of time.
Finally grad school. It’s certainly not out of the picture, but it’s definitely not something I will do directly out of college. I just don’t feel ready, and in fact feel it would be a waste of a degree (and mucho dinero) to jump into something I’m not 100% passionate about. So I just can’t say if it’s in my future right now because there are so many factors that need to be settled first. One thing I will say, though. In the last year or so I have felt a huge calling to autodidactism. There are so many books that I can take out from the local library or buy for $10 at a bookstore that I want to digest before I prepare to shell out tens of thousands more on my official education. You might say that my pendulum is, at this particular time, poised on the far opposite of traditional education. But I wouldn’t be surprised if, given a few more years, I find myself swinging back. Time will tell.
I really appreciate your post. Like any good question or series of questions, you’ve got me thinking in new ways. That’s so important with any new undertaking!